When I first discerned I was called to ministry, excitement swelled in my heart with love for God who called me into these deep waters of ministry. When I went to seminary at Drew Theological in NJ, I was excited to learn all the tools I would need to help people know who they are and what God was calling them to be. We often joked during that time that we offered up our views of Jesus, he was dismantled and we got him back with our diploma. Don't misunderstand me. Many of us had this pie in the sky thoughts about Jesus and needed to learn the hard, daily work of being in ministry amid the struggles of culture, and denominational slidding as we learned more about our relationship with each other and Christ. It was most certainly an education about ministry and culture and more importantly ourselves. I still joke we need to come up with a class called, "How to Fix a Boiler 101" along with worship and theology. All of which was groundwork created for me to head out into the world to take on the world.

To this day, after starting the process in 1994, ordained in 2005, I feel ill-equipped for ministry. In the early years, I figured I was going to set everyone straight on how ministry is. In the process of that, they, the people I was serving, set me straight. The mission was not making disciples but "not changing our church." I was hurt pretty bad in those early years as I got my come uppance more than once. Eventually I heard and read these words for the first time: "clergy killer churches." There were people who knew the church needed to set a new risky course and set sail, but the powers in charge were happy just being anchored in port. My spirit and that of many others were beaten down.

By the next time I moved, I still didn't really get it, or have a plan, although more of the local church wanted to fly with Christ and meet the needs of the community. Mission locally and globally became more of an aim as we grew together learning about God and going deeper in faith with Christ. I didn't really have a plan in my early years. I didn't really have one in my current appointment really. However, I felt my role became a little clearer. That came out of information about how to help people into a deeper relationship with God through very basic classes, (Bible 101, UMC 101, Prayer 101, etc) and more exploratory classes (like Becoming a Contagious Christian). It also came out of reading people like Len Sweet, Doug Paget, Brian McClaren and Mike Slaughter and others. It really became solidified for me at the "Change the World" conference at Ginghamsburg UMC.

Through these early years, and even to some extent now, I have felt like Lou Costello playing the funny man with the "straight" lines come from the church followed by people laughing at me. It reminds me of the old "Who's on First" bit from their act. Here I am asking the silly questions and people saying, "What don't you get this? Let us explain: Status Quo is on first, Comfort is on Second and Solutions is on Third." I say, "But aren't we called to help the Whos reach first," "No Status Quo is on first." "Huh?"

Both Len Sweet and Mike Slaughter talk about what the church is supposed to be about. Sweet mentions the Mega-Narrative, aka the Big Picture. We are a part of the big picture. Our goal is to find, our story, the Meta Narrative, our story line, and how it fits into the big picture. Slaughter says we need to move from broadcasting the message to narrowcasting. We need to move from pulpit to outside the doors to encounter specific groups of people whom we do not see in church.

Said in another way we need to ask: Who are we?(Our Identity); Who has God called us to be? (Purpose); and Who is our Neighbor? (Our Context). Here the "Whos" come first in order to begin to determine our calling to our communities. Identity is on First, Purpose is on Second and Context is on Third. Now that causes confusion and chaos doesn't?

My personal struggle in ministry comes from not being able to get past first base: the status quo. I know if we continue on this course, we will continue a slow death. How do we empower, lead, and begin to help people see the horizon and what's popssible and not the choppy water indicating risk, danger and change? Do we assemble the crew from those who want the ship to sail rather than those who don't want to sail? What if the majority of the crew want to sail and are held back by or fearful of others? When we are afraid to be who God called us to be, doesn't the kingdom suffer and we suffer a loss of identity and confusion? Why is it that when I speak this way to anyone, saying this is about church health not growth, saying we need to be better stewards of the message and all that God has provided, I get the dirty looks, blank stares or an inevitable, "huh?" If I give up or don't say anything, I feel as though I am not true to what God is calling me to be, do and share. I feel like a traitor who slinks back into a cookie cutter ministry and peace at any cost. I feel like when I ask the tough questions in bible study or other small groups, no matter who is there, I get the same looks. It makes me a little fearful that I am headed down the path of most resistance. It is very much like Bud Abbott telling Lou Costello in a scary situation, "We need to find out what's going on. You go ahead and I will cover you from here," he says shoving Costello equipped with a flashlight that quickly dies, down the dim, dark path into the abyss. Isn't that where we are to go willingly or sometimes with fear and trepidation?

This is not about being trendy, be a copycat church, or copying successful programs other people did to "make the church grow." This is about becoming a healthy church and disciples of Christ so as to transform the world. This is fundamentally about how we help people in the pews and outside the walls encounter the transformational, invitational love and grace of a Living God whom we find in and through a relationship with Jesus Christ. A God who is more than some slogan or that can be captured in an hour in church, or canned program. A God who is only known in and through a life lived out with missteps, mistakes and course corrections, joys and sorrows, triumph and tragedy helping us go deeper and live more abundantly than we can evenr imagine. So here's to confusion and chaos, may it get you back on course...but just in case, hand me flashlight, and a pile of batteries as you are pushing me ahead of you to shine the light?

We may not always know "Who's on First" but aren't we all called to weigh anchor and begin a journey in some direction in order to find the direction God is calling us?

Have a laugh on along the journey. Here's a link to Abbott & Costello "Who's on First?" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sShMA85pv8M